Meme's and Humour

JUNE 2015

MOCK INTERVIEW WITH CSIS-

Ollie Flint (Western News) - So today we are joined very graciously from our protectors, those who we trust with all of our person information and the team behind some very controversial classified information, how are you doing today CSIS? Hello? CSIS?

Deep and Scary Voice from the Roof (Representational of CSIS) – We are always here Ollie; Always.

Ollie- Alright, and who might you be?

CSIS- We are your protectors, your overhanging spirit.

Ollie- Geez, alright. There has been some very controversial news coming out about your handling of sensitive information and the role it really plays in keeping Canadian safe. How exactly are you protecting Canadians?

CSIS- We protect them from those who cannot be seen through collecting all Canadians selfies.

Ollie- And how does collecting our selfies somehow keeps us safe from “those that cannot be seen”?

CSIS- We do not just collect selfies; as well as the occasional internet screenshot Mr. Flint.     

Ollie- And who are these people who cannot be seen you are protecting us from?

CSIS- You are asking a lot of questions for a radio interviewer, do you have something to hide Mr. Flint?

Ollie- No… What even is this?

CSIS- Say’s here on your file you follow Emirates Airlines? What are you planning? Travelling somewhere? Got a bomb?

Ollie- Now you seem to be asking too many questions.

CSIS- Do not doubt your protector. That will be 10 “Maple Leaf Forever” for you to repress your sin.

Ollie- What? I’m not going to do that. This is a joke, I am out of here.

CSIS- We are always watching Ollie, wherever you go, we go. You’re status has now changed from “Fat and unimportant” to “Very dangerous, needs 24/7 watch”.

Ollie- Fat and Unimportant! How dare you! I’m leaving, this interview is over. Wait, who are you? Why are you wearing suits? Don’t tazer me! Ah!

CSIS- Never doubt your protector, we are here for your safety. Praise CSIS.

Mock Interview with Toronto Mayor Rob Ford- 

Ollie- We would like to thank Toronto Mayor Rob Ford for being here today. We here at Ollie’s World of Writing understand the hardships of being a mayor and the many challenges it brings, so thank you sir.

Rob Ford- (Franticly) Yea, Yea, what do you need?

Ollie- We understand you’ve been under the spotlight recently about your recent involvement with the narcotic crack/cocaine, what do you have to say about all the accusations?

Rob Ford- Eh screw the haters man! I play how I wanna play.

Ollie- “ I play how I wanna play”. Can you elaborate?

Rob Ford- All I was doing was trying to have a good time! I am the mayor for darn sake! I think the media should just back off and let a mayor do what a mayor gotta do.

Ollie- Okay? (Confused) Anyway, with the Toronto election a short year away, many political analyzers are saying you are the candidate who will most likely rank at the bottom of the polls. What are you doing to prepare for the upcoming election?

Rob Ford- Well Ollie, I am attending a lot of Toronto Leafs games. I hope to support the team as much as I can.

Ollie- I understand you are a Leafs fan Mr. Mayor, but what are you doing for the citizens of Toronto about issues such as high rent and little work?

Rob Ford- Ummm (obviously nervous and confused). I think that the rent is to high and we need more work for citizens?  

Ollie- Why are you in such a big rush to get out of here? If I may ask.

Rob Ford- I got to make a…. uh, pick up.

Ollie- Is this an illegal pick up? It doesn’t seem too professional to leave an interview in such a manner.

Rob Ford- No! I am picking up some, uh, items of importance from a sketchy guy in north Toronto named “Nitro”

Ollie- I am going to pretend I didn’t hear that. On another note, at a recent leafs game, you were seen intoxicated and harassing other fans at the game as well as sexually harassing an opposition leader. Are you sorry for your actions?

Rob Ford- It was a close game Ollie and my boys on the ice were getting hit hard. I had to stand up for my team. So what I had too much to drink? It happens to everyone.  Its not like I drove or anything.

Ollie- Actually Mr. Mayor, there was amateur video taken of you getting into your truck obviously intoxicated.

Rob Ford- Okay, that’s it! This interview is over! I am sick of you placing everything on me. You’re just another one of those media slobs who are out to end me. Lets get out of here! (Leaves interview room)

Ollie- So there you have it folks, Rob Ford. Mayor of Toronto and probably the worst guest I have ever had on the show. Thanks for listing and sorry for wasting everyone’s time.